Clayton's Log, Stardate 4/21/12 - Spring Tour

Presently,I'm sitting in a green room (actual color: slate blue) at the venue in Colorado Springs and I've finally got a few hours of down-time while the other bastards do laundry down the street. So I reckon I'll fill all you readers in on the next leg of our great cross-country adventure. In this episode, your loyal Bastards venture out of the South, and strike out bravely towards the Pacific. Oooooh.
But before I go any further, I want to make a disclaimer: there are far more sweet, generous people in this country than one would think, and everyone in the band parties and works equally hard, and sometimes maybe we forget to mention a few of these wonderful people. More specifically, I forget to mention them. Shit, sometimes I forget entire shows! This job is exhausting! (For instance, initially I forgot to thank Shawn and Amanda from Palm Beach. Sorry, you two. Also, initially I forgot about the cupcake guy in Vero, too.) I just want to state for the record that we love you all and value you more than words can express. We're a very lucky band, we're just tired. Awww.
Ok, enough of that, lets get to the booze and hedonism and stuff.

After eating perhaps the best meal of our collective lives at Kim's, we head west towards that mecca of all things unholy: New Orleans, Louisana. God bless that city. We were the unfortunate recipiants of a show cancellation at Tipitina's, (thanks a fucking lot for nothing guys.) and most of us juat wanted to take a day off instead of booking another show with only a days notice. Fortunately, we were convinced to do the show anyway, only this time the venue was a bar called Prytania. We were expecting a really bad turnout, (what with the whole "one day's notice/tuesday night show" thing) but what we got was a really great surprise. The opening band was comprised of mostly females, they played really good ska, and their band name was The Local Skank. Well played, ladies, well played. Also, there was a decent crowd! No really, there was! Special thanks to Tony and Neb for the help.

Now, after the show, the plan was to drive an hour to Baton Rouge and stay with our friend Steve, but Mother Nature had other plans. We ended up stuck in the middle of some seriously bad weather in a McDonalds parking lot. It's funny though, I must say: if you're ever in a huge deluge/lightening storm and there's a van nearby, I recommend that you go and sit in it. It was quite a show.

The next night was Jack's Patio in San Antonio, Texas. This was another "Who the hell are these people and what are they doing out on a wednesday night?!" show, and we were all feeling pretty good at this point. Lots of thanks to the opening bands and that one bartender who kept slipping me extra drink tickets. Shit, I hope this doesn't get him in trouble...

Next up was The House of Rock in Corpus Christi, TX. Helluva show, helluva show. One of my oldest friends Dustin lives there, and we had a great time surfing the gulf and rocking pants off. (Just in case you're keeping track, at this point Wes and I have surfed the Atlantic and the gulf coasts of Fla and Tx. Not bad for a few Atlanta boys, and we're not done yet!)

The venue Bombardier's in El Paso, Tx looks like the bar from the movie, "From Dusk till Dawn", and when you also consider that El Paso is the most dangerous city in the U.S., now you're talking about a good time! (Interesting sidenote: Bombardier's is pronounced "Bom-ba-deer's" in America, but Bobby kept using the French pronounciation which sounds like "Bom-bar-dee-ay's. We mocked him openly and called him a dirty sauntering Frenchman. Oh, the scandal!) The opening band was The Pinsetters, a predominantly white soul band, and they were actually really good! One of my favorite movies is "The Commitments", about an all-white Irish soul band, and this band played a lot of the same songs as the movie. But when I asked the singer if that was one of his favorite movies, he just stared at me blankly! Turns out no one in the band had ever seen "The Commitments"! Blasphemy! So I turned them on to what will soon be their new fav movie. You're welcome.

After the Bombadeer's show, we stayed with a geologist named Will. In the morning he said, "Hey, I know where we can see some dinosaur tracks, wanna go?" Yes Will, I do want to go see dinosaur tracks. Now, I was expecting a glassed-off area, perhaps security guards, roped-off signs at the very least. But no, not even so much as a parking lot-you can just go walk around in dinosaur tracks! Makes you feel very small, and very young. Pretty cool, Thanks, Will.

We finally had some days off around Easter, so we crashed at our good friend Marco's house in Las Cruces, New Mexico. He plays in an incredible band called Radio La Chusma, and we stay with him whenever we can. Wes' birthday was Easter Sunday so we bought some Tecate, some meat and limes and tortillas, and I made Easter tacos in New Mexico. It was another one of those beautiful days, and we could literally smell the chiles roasting at the factory nearby. Wes and I decided to take some acid together for his birthday, and it started out great! Then, an hour and a half later, he was asleep and I was balls to the wall alone. Yup, I ended up riding a squeaky bike around a questionable neighborhood at three a.m. like a cross between Timothy Leary and D'Bo from the movie "Friday". Straight Lurkin'. I knew I was fucked up right around the time I found myself riding top speed, shirtless through the soccer field sprinklers in the dark. You laugh, but it was actually quite refreshing. Thanks again Marco, always a good time.

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